Communication

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Communication

Who wrote the rules and regulations on meeting members of the opposite sex, (or the same sex for some people), and placed such importance on the subtlety of moving from acquaintance to friend to crush to dating to exclusive to married. I feel like im trying to sell used cars rather than picking up a date for friday night. And trust me, I'm no salesman. Why do people base their decisions on how clever or witty the line was when you asked them out? Does that really tell you much about how they will be as a b/f or g/f or even husband or wife someday? At most it should tell you they're a smooth talker and you will probably be talked out of any situations you disagree with them on. (Cynical, party of one.) How is it that, though we know communication is key for a succesful relationship, we refuse to be blunt and to the point about the things we want from each other? It seems that potential rejection becomes anxiety because we cant be honest with each other about our feelings without someone getting their preverbial panties in a wad. Either we wish and hope and dream ourselves into a state of certainty before we state our position or we try to move in too close before anything at all has been established. In most cases both of these actions will recieve rejection that makes us feel as if our world is being torn down around us, at least momentarily, even if you dont put it on display. However, in some cases, you will have been lucky enough to encounter someone with the same conundrum and things will blast off in a fiery blaze. I've experienced all scenarios ive explained and they all become dysfunctional at some point. Although our rejection in the case stated above can be easily faulted to the person rejecting us, we have to take responsibility for our own neglect in the situation. Your lack of blunt communication caused your mind to build up these fantasies of the person falling into your arms as you state your unyielding love to them. If you had just expressed an honest interest in a straightforward way from the beginning, you would have known where you stood in that person's mind, and you could build from there, whether its a friendship your building, or the interest is mutual and you decide friends should become something more. This being said it also confuses me when either person involved in the rejection feel as if that is the end of the line. If you express your interest in a healthy manner, and rejection sprouts from the situation, why does it then have to be an awkward situation? If you had interest, why is friends not enough? If you expressed your interest early enough that you didnt commit your deeper feelings to the situation, why wouldnt you want a new friend out of the situation? Likewise, why does the person dishing the rejection have to make things awkward by not wanting the same? If it was an initial expression of interest and they are well mannered and honest about it, whats the big deal? Sensitivity can be some people's most volatile demon. Now, I am a very sensitive person in terms of considering the feelings of others and expecting all adults to apply the golden rule in social situations. But when sensitivity turns to pouting and self pitty, you will only come out of a rejection situation with your head stuck up your own ass and everyone pointing and laughing. Now concerning the relationships that sprout from dysfunctional communication, all encounters ive had and have seen in these situations end in a cyclic disorder of chasing down the meaning of everything done and said by both parties until the relationships end, or someone dies a very unhappy person. Personally, I do not want to live my life with someone who is incapable of making me happy. Furthermore, I dont want to spend my life chasing love i create in my own mind because I refuse to communicate. It is surprising how many people let sensitivity and god knows what concieted mess of arrogant filth, cloud their senses when it comes to reception and output of healthy communication. This blog is starting to turn into a tangeant on relationships, due mostly to me being single for wa-a-ay too long, (due to my own decisions) however this was meant to be about communication, so we'll head that way. For starters, I am in no way suggesting I would favor a world of emotionless monotany where everyone spoke and functioned only as neccesary to survive. However, I do feel that people should take their emotions out of situations where rejection, direction, criticism, or any form of sensitive communication is abundant. I believe that problems from as small as romantic interest to as big as political bickering amongst countries that eventually leads to war, could be solved if we had honest, emotionless, blunt conversations. This is partially why I dont do small talk very well. Not only due to the fact that i let peoples emotional baggage effect me from not only the conversations ive had with them, but the actions they have done to lash out at me, but also because I dont find reason in it. It's breath wasted for the most part in my opinion, unless your laughing with friends, or lending a shoulder to cry on, I dont see the point in shooting the shit about the weather. As much as i smoke, I need to choose my breath's wisely ;). (Yes, I used a wink smilie face, omg, my bff will ftfo). I am guilty of being a dreamer and never being satisfied with the way people are and obsessing over how much better the world could be. 90% of my stresses and anxiety stem from that, and I just wonder how powerful we could be if i could just change the opinions of stubborn people. I love challenges, I feed off of them, but changing the opinions of stubborn people is like trying to catch lightning in a jar. Your ass will get fried everytime. People play the games they play to defend their emotions from the game the last person they encountered was playing. I am guilty more than most to be honest, but that doesnt change the fact that I know better, want better, and am tired of games with no outcome of positive emotions.

The writing below correlates slightly to the blog, but, I'm really just using this as an excuse to display it, so enjoy. And for gods sake, leave me a comment or something if ya read all this. Even if it sucked, I wanna know that so I can make it better next time! Guilt trip ending in 3...2...1

This lonely makes me crazy
I think I'm at my wits end
Never have been so witty
So it must be a short stick to bend

If every word I spoke through a pen
Could melt your heart and free your sin
I'd breathe fire, burning the words as they came
So nothing could be repeated and I could always lay claim

To the nurture of the key to your mind
The molten beauty of your heart and mine
Propitously I will whisper the flame
To prevent the stone my own heart's became

Though I know her in my dreams
I dont dare speak
Though these feelings disturb my sleep
Blind love holds such uncertainty

This social disorder can not be explained
Going such lengths to intentionally deprave
I've exhausted my mind to excel at this game
The right words, the wrong times, flat on my face

Chewing cement
Accepting demise
Marble and granite
Subconscious lies

How dare I be loyal, honest, and blunt
About who I am
And where you stand
And how deep the feelings cut

This social disorder is a product of lies
The frozen words turning lava to ice
A stepping stone they used to find the next
So I'm breathing fire in hope it reflects